Say It Isn’t So

say it isn't so...

Last few months, I accompanied my elder brother to attend his graduation day at Kuala Kedah. We stayed in a hotel, which is near to his friend’s house. Actually, his friend is his ex-girlfriend. They just break up but personally speaking, they don’t behave like they are likely in a call to quit their relationship. I wonder why…

Few days we spend in Kuala Kedah, got connected with her family members and become close to her, I think she is a good person. Even my dad and mom also confessed that they like her and got no problem to take her as their daughter-in-law. 
But my brother said, “It will never be the case". I wonder why...

She is pretty, incredibly a nice person and very hardworking. I don’t understand what makes them stopped the anxiety to be in love zone.  

I lose my words when my brother telling me a thing I really wanted to know.

“I’m the elder son in this family. Sorry for taking law, graduate a bit late from other people. But it’s okay because I’ll take the responsibility to take care of you and our siblings. Dad has no need to worry. I’m not going to marry early. She's good but I’m not going to make her waiting for me for soo long. She has a right to move on. If she meets someone better, she can leave me. But if she has a strong feeling about me, end up to her on making decision. What is matter most for me right now is our family”.

Seriously! He was the second truly charismatic person after dad, I met. I am intensely motivated by his thinking style. So this story, affects to the decision taken by me in the next story.

He is sitting left next to my mom..

I’m twenty three by this year. Tell me what is the possible reaction I should give when I still studying while most of my friends had already finished their studies, keep sending me an invitation cards for wedding and keep uploading pictures of their newborn babies and at the end of those happy days, I still struggling reading books, sending assignments, taking part time jobs during semester breaks and enjoy my life to the fullest as…as a student?

I’m not rushing into a relationship, but it doesn't mean that I have no trust in love. Being workaholic is pretty cool but being alone, especially during those happy days is totally not cool! I have so many male friends..but too busy to deal with my personal needs. I’m afraid of having ‘a feeling of closeness’ with a guy thus, I had rejected few, though they are good. I hope God will forgive me for declining the tendency to answer a call ‘say it isn’t so’. Being interested with someone or showing excitement in giving hint ‘i love you!’ is no longer a mission.

I’m denying an interest in searching for men love. Of course, I can’t hold it during my weakest time. Well, yoall know...women are known for their natural freckle minded behavior. Then, I realize I have God. I have my family. So what to worry about being alone? What I believe is right person will show up at a right time and at a right place.    

I understand my brother a little better. I've made same decision like what he did before. We are cool. We can keep ourselves busy and deal with subjects which we feel strongly about. I’m sorry if this writing might seems irritating for some readers who seeks for motivation, not for this never-ending complain. 

What would you say? To fall in love, it is by chance. But to stay in love, it is by choice. If you get a chance to fall in love with a right person, appreciate it. Say what you need to say. 
A happy ending story? It is your choice....

Rediscover Yourself (extrovert vs introvert)

“We all have times when we are ‘out of character’, feel outside and beside ourselves, and behave in unexpected ways.”           (Naomi L. Quenk, 2002).

Sometime you feel like you are not you? Confuse? Faking a smile in front of others just to make them feel ease with you? What other people think is matter more than yours?

No worries. You are not alone.

I'm sharing the idea about your unexpected behaviors. Why we could behave such way?

sometime we are happy ..

sometime we are cool...

sometime we look like 'a girl beside a door'....

no mood...

but there is a time, we can just be crazy!

There is one book. 

'Was that really me? How everyday stress brings out our hidden personality.' 

Written by Naomi L. Quenk.

As what Naomi said, we are all personality theorists. I laughed. Can't wait to finish my reading. Can't wait to share this with my dearest readers...

But first, I think my readers might want to know whether they are extrovert or introvert person. 

Extrovert is an outgoing and overtly expressive person. Always concern with external things or objective consideration. They are also:

• Enjoy making decisions.

• Like to control things.

• Comfortable in leadership positions.

• Require logicality and rationality in most situations.

• Want to be recognized for their accomplishments.

• Often critics.

• Have a honest and direct to the point communication style.

• Love working and communicating.

• Have little patience with confusion or inefficiency.

• Did not take time to understand and quickly judge people.

• Think best when talking with people.

• Will try to ignore problems that might hurt their feelings.

In different....

Introvert is a shy or reticent person. This type of person is predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than external things. You might be an introvert person if:

• Use inner values for judging self.

• Easily take offense towards criticism.

• Flexible, open, complicated, mild, modest and often self-effacing.

• Tolerant, understanding and forgiving.

• Seek to affirm all parties in a controversy.

• Acting swiftly, confidently and competent to handle difficult situation.

• Having the freedom to be creative. 

• Love writing.

• Concerned about your intellectual abilities.

• Smarter, knowledgeable and thinking person. Always seem as a wise person.

• Hypersensitive to illogical, dishonesty and inaccuracy in others.

• Quick to point out errors made by people.

• Hypersensitive to the 'thinking' issues of truth and justice.

• Select hobbies that engage your thinking function (i.e. enjoy computer games that require logic and strategy)

• Enjoy cleaning house, organizing drawers and photo-realistic drawing of objects and people.

• Dislike strict deadlines, rigid rules and regulations.

• Very short-tempered, critical and unreasonable.

What I have learned from my reading is: as a normal person, we need to admit that we can never run from making mistakes. Accept mistakes as natural consequences of being human, but learn as well not to repeat our mistakes.

Creative. Not everyone is bestowed with this skill. To be creative, we are not necessarily have to accept or depend on other people’s idea. Just be happy with our own definition. If you draw a picture of cat, but people got asked 'is it a rabbit?'..hell ya! Who cares?

Avoid negative judgments about yourself. Listen to your inner voice – know what you really want. Look at Selena Gomez! How happy she is to sing, "cuz the heart know what it want..aa..aa..ah..",) 

Don't try to be perfect at everything! Be reasonable and realistic. 

Not being true, not being you in certain occasions might be caused by everyday stress that brings out our hidden personality. We are out of control. Feeling of sorrow about our loss and we cry...and that's normal. 

So, rediscover yourself. Either you are an extrovert or introvert, there is no right or wrong for both. Tackle your hidden personality wisely. It will help to improve your life better.

References:

Gregoire, C. (2014). 23 signs you’re secretly an introvert. Retrieved on February 27, 2015 from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html

Quenk, N. L. (2002). Was that really me? How everyday stress brings out our hidden personality. California: Davies-Black Publishing.

How Grateful Are You?

How grateful we are?

Have you said ‘thank you’ for today?

How many of you would willingly offer yourself to be a good listener?

Know when to be assertive and able to handle conflict?

Do you?

Normal sugar.

When issues arise, suddenly people become very enthusiastic, commenting and arguing on these and that, becoming master in matters which are not within the area of their expertise. Is it worth?    

Normal butter.

We tend to see weaknesses in others but barely hard to realize ours. We found hard to limit our common habits of not showing our feelings rather than to make it public. 

1+++ likes. 1+++ followers. 

Is it worth?  

•          Bad government policies
•          Terrible parental skills
•          Lack of efficiency
•          Unprofessional lecturers
•          Lazy students
•          Ungrateful friends
•          Bad daughter and son   

Though all of these are too much, have you said ‘thank you’ for today?

There is always a reason to show gratitude

Instead of commenting or complaining these and that...

Perhaps, what you can do is just listening. Figure out their real problem. Feel what they feel. 

If you cannot fix it, then leave it. 

You know best when to be assertive only if you understand the root of the problem. 

Hug happiness, let go all the conflicts, problem settle and you’ll become a grateful person.

But first, learn to say ‘thank you’.

Thank you!

Thanks to the bad government policies for showing you what you’re supposed to do for you to come out with a better proposal. 

Thanks to the terrible parental skills showed before this, so you and your future generations will never end up with the same situation. 

Thanks to the lack efficiency of systems or products. Now you can grab the opportunity to show and sell your talent: invent a better solution. 

Thanks to the unprofessional lecturers for showing you the reality of today. 

Thanks to the lazy students for making your work become easier. Time to get transfer! 
Thanks to the ungrateful friends, bad daughter and son for giving more space to your heart. & its all over.   

The more often you say ‘thank you’, the easier you’ll living your life. Showing gratitude is a sign of your worship to your Creator. & having a good relationship with the Creator and people around you, will allow you to fly higher than an eagle!

We all have the ability to be a grateful person

So, whaddaya waitin’ for? Just say ‘thank you’. Believe me, its worth!

References:

Kozubska, J. (1997). The 7 keys of charisma. Kogan Page limited: London.

Quenk, N. L. (2002). Was that really me? How everyday stress brings out our hidden personality. Davies-Black Publishing: California. 

Why You Can Never Date Your Own Lecturer ?

It is good to demonstrate positive attitude towards your lecturers.  It is also acceptable to see them enjoy in teaching and be enthusiastic in giving explanations.  Sometimes, it is hookay to have a very casual atmosphere during teaching and learning session in which, for many cases, it works in lowering the anxiety of students towards a course. 

But having a tendency to make a special relationship with them is not highly recommended.

I tell you the reasons.

1)     Tendency to misuse power

For instance, if your lecturer likes you and shows his/her interest to you but you just ignore him/her, than there will be a time in your life that your realise something goes wrong with your carry marks or if you show a good response to him/her, you easily get a higher mark but others are not? So, beware. This occasion is probably showing that he/she is having a tendency to misuse the power and being bias to other students.   

2)   Unable to make it public

“Shhh..keep ‘tis as a secret” is a common practice for those who have a relationship with their students or vice versa. There are many reasons why they want to keep this relationship not to be published. If you are a professional person, you’ll understand why.

3)   Kind of distraction

Normally, a person will face a hard time when looking to someone he likes or loves: heart beating fast, feeling high and full of excitement. If that person thinks he can have control over everything and acting cool in front of the lecturer he likes, he is actually not cool at all and out of control! Impossible for you to stay focus in class if this kind of situation happen. The worse part is when your grades and performances in class get affected. 

4)   Jealousy & defamation

No one can tell you what would be happen when your course mates hate or feel jealous with you after they find out that you are into a relationship with a lecturer that teach your course.  They will find ways to spread rumors, accuse you to get high marks because of your relationship and who knows, sooner or later, your lecturer will get fired because of the rumors and the defamation words uttered by other students. 

I think four is enough to consume at this moment. 

However, not all people would have the same case. Sometimes, this kind of relationship only works on certain people, if they comply with certain conditions and rules in relationship. We are talking about heart and feeling. Whaddya expect ??    

Brilliant partner:

Robinson, L. (2015, Feb 2). 7 reasons never to date your professor. Retrieved from  http://allwomenstalk.com/7-reasons-never-to-date-your-professor