Minor Action

6.30pm. I just came back from 'Pasar Malam' when I saw..

Someone with a red t-shirt,
Going out from a red car,
Wearing a pair of red shoes and holding a phone with a red cover.

I said, "Are you serious?", loud inside my heart.

She looks at me, then she goes..

"Looking at someone with a pink t-shirt, wearing a pink 'tudung', holding a pink purse and carrying a black bag with a pink note book inside it. What makes us look different?", imagined that was her reply.

..., Then I go..

"A black bag?".

HAH. She laughed. A bit. And she walked into her house and leave me as there is nothing happened.

'She' - the one that I had mentioned just now is my neighbour and she knows nothing about this post.

The point is, why we are easily see bad thing in someone rather than to realise first what is on our sides. So, let us mirror ourselves first before criticise other people.     

You Have Million Mistakes. So What?

What..???

I won't call myself as a LOSER even though I could not recall number of mistakes I have did before. I still young. My parents are still alive and they are the biggest contributor of my life expenses. What? I did well in my studies!

I’m telling you. I’m not a prostitute. I don't take drug or drink alcohol. I just made some mistakes which make me love myself more. And it is not necessary to label all prostitutes, drug dealers and drinkers as bad persons. Sometime, they are more precious than other normal, pious and nerdo people who think they are good person. Sometime.

Take this reading as an opportunity to understand the reality of young people’s life. Perhaps, you can make comparison between yours and mine and finally, improve the quality of your personal value.

I don’t feel sorry about my self even though I have done many mistakes…Why?    

1) I did well in class presentations but I spoiled on my law papers during examination. Thanks God, I still able to graduate from law school and people still praise me as a law student. One of my lecturers always call me as his legal advisor. YOLO.

Near to be true is not necessary true.

 

2) I dated with the wrong person. I mean..person(s). As time goes on, I realize what I really wanted in future. I create my own values and set my goals. This reminds me not to be a despereto. To be truth, they are good guys. It is only matter of time.   

Stay calm and no hurry.

 3) I chose a wrong course. Sorry to think that teaching is a suck job. At first, I don't like taking English course at UPSI..coz my biggest hope is to be an advocate. Not to be an English teacher. But then looking to my achievement, I found my real strengths. I can speak English, lecturers are good with me, I get new friends (other than Malays friends) and I get involve in many writing activities. I just follow the flow. Like YOLO.

Seriously..??

4) I feel not entitle to have or deserve to be. My mom said I'm a good daughter. My lecturers told me I’m a good student and my friends called me as a nice person. But still, there are people out there who are better than me. So it explains why do I feel like 'this position isn’t suits with me', 'I shouldn’t take this responsibility' and bla..bla. I’m not a ‘full-time’ princess.  

This ain't a fairy tale...

5) I had a hitting-rock-bottom’s time. The fact is, not all people love to see your happiness and success.  I do have haters and haters are everywhere. But I still found good friends, good people around me. What a life...  

Wearing masks...

6) I have been suspended. At least once. I've been working part time while studying. So, there is one time when my friends came to my work place. They want to cheer me up but thing comes to the other way around. From the cctv, my bos caught my friends sitting and standing near me next to the cash counter. You know, this breach the ethics of working. I should have prevented them to come near. I didn't intend to do so and I had actually asked them to leave but it doesn’t works. Finally Mr. Nasim had kicked me off for two weeks holiday without payment and it turns me down. Till now, I never tell them about this. I cried alone.  

Stop the moment.

7) I have sat for MUET three times. What? My parents are not English people and English is not my mother tongue! I really had a hard time repeating this expensive paper for many times, just to ensure that I can continue my studies in law and TESL. Haha. There is no harm to have a big goal. Well, it is worth because finally I managed to get a good result.

Arguable. It makes sense!

8) I’ve made wrong decisions, for wrong persons and for wrong reasons. Below the age of 30, I considered my self as a young learner (what a good excuse..). However, I never feel regret for the choice I've made. Learning is a long process right?

You learn until you die.

9) I have said something without considering anyone else's feelings. This is a big NO NO mistake I’ve been made, especially when I think that I am right about other people. Actually, it is not. I know nothing about other people's heart. I just love to be honest. If I don't like something or someone, the whole world will get notice about it.

Its not difficult to understand sign.

10) I have been walked away from difficult situations. I did a big mistake and later on, I trust that I don't deserve to seek for forgiveness. Neither to think that I owe strength to tell people about my sins nor to ask them to rectify my mistakes, the truth is, I shamed to admit my faults. That's it.       

11) I went out to KL, spend time and money with friends even though it is not necessary. I'm actually a bloody hell STINGY woman but it doesn’t mean that I couldn’t be a good frugal person. Not to blame my friends, I'm the one who should have the courage to say 'NO' when they ask me whether to join or not. Well, time cannot be turns back.

Say 'NO' to the unnecessary matters.

12) I have offended someone with my humours. Highlight this: when you get close with your friends and be like in a comfort zone, you’ll forget that everyone have hearts and feelings. My mistake is, I always do not realize about this. My bad...

13) I have been risked everything. In one shot! There are times when I need to come out with my own decision and I risked everything for the uncertain things. Shame on me…

14) Be passive. I'm a good talker but I tend to be passive when I am in a cloudy mood. It's tiring to fake a smile all the time when watching dramas. The good thing of being passive, I won’t get headache.

Baa..baa..black sheep, have you any wools?

 

15) I think I have all the right answers. Actually not. I have a list of life rules but not all the rules are successfully been applied. Dealing with delicate matters? Sorry, I'm not a good legal advisor.

16) I have blamed someone for my mistakes. Forget for what reason but I’m not happy at all doing so.

17) Think negative about my self. When I couldn’t fix problems or find the right solutions, I'll started to think bad about my self. Normally it won't last longer because at the end of the day, after I cleaned my room or took bath, I will forgive my self and say..'this is not the end of my life'.

So, what about your story? Is it the same with those situations? Read more…  

Smith, J. (May 26, 2015). 17 mistakes everyone should make before they turn 30. Business Insider: MSN Lifestyle. Retrieved May 26, 2015 from http://www.msn.com/en-my/lifestyle/career/17-mistakes-everyone-should-make-before-they-turn-30/ar-BBkeS2Z?ocid=iehp#page=1

With Guts, Come Glory !

My lecturer assigned me with a task in a group of four. I know I’ll be working with A, B, and C. Thou I heard much about them, I have no right to judge them.

We are working together. Submission date is just around the corner but progression of work is too poor. I took a sheet of paper and started to make a list of works. I didn’t keep the list alone but I shared it with them. In a chat group inbox, I leave a message goes,  

‘Send your written part before 10pm tomorrow. Either earlier or don’t send it at all’. 

Before 10pm, I received all the parts. 

Straightly after reached my house, I locked my door room. Opened the laptop. Started working on our final draft. It seems like one hour isn’t enough. I recheck the grammar, format, language tone and our presentation slides. Stomach ache. There still much to do. I haven’t got my dinner. It’s already 12am now. My God. I make Dillys waiting for me! 

I’ve tried my best to finish everything fast. Be cool Efa. 1 am, I send our final draft to Dillys and asked for apologize. Dillys forgive me. She said, ‘its okay kak’. With a smiley emoticon. 

I relief. My stomach ache again. I haven't touched my dinner. But then I remember, another presentation for tomorrow!

4am. I still transferring the information into the slides. I touched my stomach. It's in terrible pain. I cried. I want food but it's too late for dinner. I’m too sleepy and I could not make it. Realized that my body now is too weak, in second, I kept all the stuffs, said ‘sorry’ to my body and prepared for bed. I made a promise to myself,

‘Dear body, I give you four hours, wake up at 7am and continue our works’. 

And everything go as planned.

Next morning, we did the best for our presentation. The Q and A session turns into something interesting and challenging, but we managed to handle it. Carry marks was released. Everyone was happy with the marks we had received. I smile. To remember what happened to me last night:

Regret? No. 

Proud? A bit. 

Satisfy? Yes. The fullest. 

After class – one cup of vanilla, chocolate and mint ice-cream served as a self reward. 
 

'No guts, no glory'

Hear This Now

. . .

Because everyday we learn new things, we can’t use the same mask all the time.

Neither to make people satisfy or to fake a smile, we only live for awhile in this world.

Burden.

We couldn’t run from it.

 

Haters.

They are every where.

 

Motivation.

Find it in yourself.

 

You know the rule. Take a break.

Death to Giving Up!

I was stuck in the middle of finishing my words. 

I’m doing a short story as I had promised to send one for my school. The teachers are going to publish a story book so; they need help from the alumni. And I really interested and wanted to give a hand.

I love this work except the fact that the story is limited only to a specific theme (I am a school's student). Thus, it’s quiet challenging for me – to talk about school hood story after six or seven years....errr.....grandma !

I’m not sure if I remember none of them because they are so many…...or 

I’m a really bad student.

However, this is not a time to give up. So I continue to figure out more possible ways to get ideas for this writing. “Hello, where are you guys?”!

For today, I went to the library. Miss Q had already cancelled her class, so pretty nice to grab this opportunity to find reference books for my assignments. & of course, I found some interesting books to read..and now I can’t wait to start my writing!

Far from a mundane night. 

Dinner at Domino’s Pizza with my housemates today, could never stop me from keep thinking about the best way to tell my story. I grabbed a blank paper and hooray! I'm done with my draft.

I hope, this piece of draft is going to inspire this world. Because I believe in what I see, in what I learn and I what I understand.

p/s: Credits to Writing 101 & credits to "Just When I Needed You" for giving me inspirations. Thanks a lot!

Brief

If I were that boy,

I would like to quote any words from my girl’s favorite books.

I would like to continue her reading on poems that she likes.

I would read in front of her lyrics of songs that she loves.

I would consume her writing even though it doesn’t enough to understand the whole story of her life.

I would.